i wouldnt wear this
but i like it
but
i've been getting very tired
and i miss the feeling of being so busy that i dont need to worry about anything
and it's scaring me a little
but then again i dont know if this is just a defence mechanism
i want a wall like this
i havent been blogging much
cos i really havent had the time to get online.
this blog is pretty much devoid of pictures and stuff,
so i'm prolly gonna post some up soonish
realised that i havent posted my b&w photos also
so i guess i should soon
feeling pretty out of it today
didnt really get enough sleep
and there's 205 speech tmr (shucks)
and there's gv11 after this.
here's a list of things that i have to get done by this week
or by today~
repaint my nails
pubs for foc (a ton of stuff)
gv11
202 wikileaks
shoot the pasar malam
dnd pubs
all this work makes me feel like escaping.
ice-cream would be good.
i havent blogged for an entire week.
that's pretty much how busy i've been.
it's like assignment period
so there's loads of essays and photoshopping to do.
plus foc photoshopping
it's been a headache.
i cant rmb what happened every day
but here's a list of what made my week
(in an attempt to ignore the shitty bits of it of course)
-highest for test 1
-listening to cinema
-127 hours with wall
-awesome wall-cooked dinners
-getting my iphone replaced
-getting film
-the biennale! (today)
(will blog about the weekend later)
it's been pretty tiring.
i keep knocking out every night
for some reason
some days i really feel like hibernating
woke up for the biennale today
had a nice outdoorsy popeyes lunch
then went to sam
was thrilled at the "made for sam" stickers that they gave us as part of the museum entry
(wall had one too awwww)
viewed the exhibits round sam before taking the shuttle bus to old kallang airport.
nothing really outstanding compared to the previous years.
definitely a lot more abstract works and concepts
and i see the work being more south east asian than last year
(maybe i missed the non asian exhibits)
didnt manage to cover everything
so we'll have to head back another day.
didnt even step into 8Q
also i'm not a big fan of video installations
and there were tons of those...
after the art we had milkshakes at handburger
then we popped by penin for film (yay)
and to send the rollei 35 t for repair
(hope they can get it fixed)
i'm getting reallyreally comfortable with my fm2 now
i'm beginning to wish film was freeeeeee.
i wanna stock up on film before it goes defunct
if it ever does.
planning to shoot the pasar malam at pioneer next week
so that should be some fun
i need to speak chinese more
and i also need to meter faster and stop being so anal about lighting.
i also checked out
twntysmthg recently and i think everyone should
it's pretty awesome
it's not exactly like frankie (what could be) but it's better than any other local thing i've read.
it just needs more material and readership
(so get there y'all)
and possibly print because there's nothing like a mag
my sticker collection has been pretty stale lately
and i havent been drawing (pfft)
i've been taking a break of the camera drawing,
have to get down to that.
i also need to get down to scanning all my shit for my portfolio
tedious much.
i've also been reading alot of notcot.org and wherethelovelythingsare
for some gv11 inspiration-
nothing quite concrete in terms of ideas yet
but i'll get there
looks like i've some insane photoshopping to do tmr
i wanna fast forwarddddd to like four years on,
there are some bits i wanna pause at,
but most of the way isnt gonna be easy
and i really hope we get by
just got back from my godma's place,
we were getting clothes so it was all dusty and shit
and now i'm sneezing and my eyes are all watery puffy
damn annoying when it gets like this
like flu-y, but not.
plus my eyes are all tired out from crying to grey's till 2plus am ytd.
on a brighter note,
i'll get to pick wall up tmr morning at 740 at the airport
(rejoice)
i cant wait to give the boy one big hug.
and i have the perfect oversized sweater to wear so i cant wait
apart from that
the weather today is making me feel sick
and melancholic.
watercolour would be the perfect therapy,
except it's in hall now
(sigh)
also it looks like i have to give the bbq a miss
i am sleep deprived and by the time i get there,
i would have to come home.
(sigh)
this is why i wish i could teleport
hey soul sister makes me think of the last night of orientation,
which makes me think of you (:
the random, reflect on how i've changed post.
it's a lazy day, i ought to shower and head out to collect my bnw film,
but i'm here, facing the balcony.
with intro on repeat.
it's really sunny and nice
and it makes me feel like thinking.
so here comes the post on how i've changed.
and how you've made an impact on me,
i will try to make this as un cheesy as possible
(impact already sounds cheesy)
but whatever la
this is coming from my heart and mind
for real.
i look at you and i read your wordpress and i think of you
what you say to me, how you explain things to me
the things we do together, the things you do, the things i do
some days in some ways i see so much of me in so much of you.
there's this, overlap
(and i type as how i would say all of this to you)
and i read you over and over and over again
so that i can know you better than i do now,
and so i can catch up as much as i can on all that i've missed out with you.
(i have told you this before i know)
you know, thinking about it
those who've only just met me,
wouldnt be able to see how much i'm changing
how much i'm growing.
i think from one year ago today
i have changed so much.
i honestly always had a fear of flying.
i dont like the idea of being in a plane, up the air
off the ground, when it's so unpredictable
you never know what can happen
and i obviously dont know shit about aviation.
so if anything screws up,
some one else is going to have to decide what happens to all the passengers on the plane- me included.
and i dont like that idea.
i never liked the idea of being suspended in a space where if anything goes wrong,
i am in such a pathetic position,
that i cant do anything to help myself.
that's kinda why i've always not liked flying.
it makes me feel so uneasy.
but then you've made me see
that there is so fucking much out there.
and i'm serious.
when i went to vietnam,
that was just the start of it.
one small piece of the world.
other than singapore and malaysia and vietnam and london and LA,
there is so much out there
i never really thought about one me, and one whole world out there.
my world was always just where i've been
and i was satisfied with that.
but not anymore.
i cant wait to get out
i want to go here
and there
and see all the places you've seen
not just because you've been there.
the world is rich in so many ways
and before i even get to the world,
let's just look at south east asia.
and you know i'm really saying this
(can you hear me really saying this)
i want more than ever to go places and see things.
and i dont care about the flights i want to take.
i need to let go of that worry.
you've inspired me to do more
i've been sitting on my ass for so long
procrastinating
and just being comfortable with what i've been doing
i'm telling you now
i'm ready to do so much more.
i've been stepping out of this laziness (tsk)
i really have.
and i am trying really hard to be more of myself
not just for you.
i want others to be able to see me for who i am
and i want to feel more myself than i have before.
i'm glad i met you
it's pretty crazy how it came to all of this
at first it was just texts and food
and then this.
and it's mindblowing.
i have never been with someone so much
i have never learnt so much from someone
i have never felt like someone is so important to me
because of what they've done
i never planned it to be this way
but i'm glad i'm turning out like this.
and you know i usually freak out when things dont go as i plan -
but this time i'm not.
so this is something.
and i am happy as ever, glad as ever,
and really so happy i cant seem to express it properly
that we're us
and you do what you do i do what i do and we do what we do
and i like knowing that it'll be like this for a very very long time.
i love you every day
so 24AUs are finally feeling like 24AUs.
the boyf's away
and i'm gonna see who my new roomie is tomorrow.
i really hope everything works out
i am this close to collapsing.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
sometimes i dont know whether it bothers me or not.
i dont want it to.
but does that mean it doesnt?
yay just picked up the two rolls from far east
and i'm mad happy with how they turned out.
i'm pretty comfy with the fm2,
took me 4 rolls,
so i'm pretty pleased.
i cant wait to see how the black and white will turn out
(on thurs)
meanwhile, i leave you with two full rolls of unedited shots
(in a bit)
i am so happy to have you.
so i spent the past two days and the earlier part of today at a kelong in the east of west malaysia- tanjong leman.
it was definitely damn chill,
super windy all the time and sunny too.
i spent most of the time sleeping cos the weather was too shiok
and every day i was, for some reason, tired.
sleeping seems to be my default action now
which is horribly pig-ish, but sadly so.
managed to shoot three rolls of film
and i am amazingly more comfortable with the fm2 now.
which is going to be a headachus when i have to switch to my canon dslr
but sigh, have to be good with both i guess, pfft.
will post the photos from the kelong experience when i collect them tmr.
feels awesome to be on solid ground
i was secretly scared that some tsunami will come sweep me away
though geographically that was impossible
(you never know)
wall left for sri lanka ytd
(couldnt send him off, awh)
and time always seems to stand still when he's gone.
(dont worry i'm not heading into pathetic mode heh)
but it really does feel strange without him around.
my period is also coming so i feel horribly weirdly slightly depressed at the crazy amount of work i have this recess week.
it's no joke what i have to do
and i really want to have you to hold
but obviously that's not happening.
lol.
i feel like running away to hall
but then there's the whole thought of having a new roommate
who might not be awesome
which makes everything
----> >:(
so yeah
i dont wanna get started thinking on that
fuck i need you esp when i'm stressed heh
apart from all this craziness that is 24AUs,
life goes on
and i need to grab a hold of it
i feel like it's been just dragging me along the past few days.
sometimes i really just feel like giving up what i'm doing now
to do whatever i want
but at the end of the day i cant because what i'm doing now is getting me to where i want to be
it feels awful now that i'm thinking about it
but i'm really quite sure that this is just the pms talking
i will post more positively tmr.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
my favourite two shots
yay second roll of film turned out good too,
i am relieved.
i think today's kinda one of those hate myself days
do what people say you can't do.
i love how i can look like a complete idiot in front of you,
and do the most random things
or have the weirdest thoughts
and yet you love me all the same
if not more.
i havent had the time to have a proper chill,
time-to-myself day
where i can just look for music and do whatever random stuff i want-
get my hair cut,
take photos,
sleep,
watch csi,
paint or draw,
tidy my mac desktop.
there's a load of things i wanna do man.
so after karang guni this morning,
i'm glad to say i finally can do all that.
i'm not even sure who reads this space anymore...
but yeah, its for me to keep track off i guess?
had an awesome day yesterday slacking (heh)
woke up to an awesome wallace-cooked lunch
then cabbed to his place to pick up some stuff
before cabbing (yet again) to vivo for speedshopping
and a proper date (the whole concept of this is really quite funny i think)
at white dog cafe.
then met the clique at marche for a bit before we walked around and did random stuff.
bumped into wall again
(more like he gave me a shock)
and so we took photos.
teow hasnt uploaded the bulk of it,
but when she does then i'll post some photos.
meanwhile,
i'm three shots away from completing another roll of film-
after shooting tons at the karang guni stint today
aaand then imma go down to get my hair cut.
(finally)
i should actually say trim,
cos i just wanna get rid of split ends, heh.
other random stuff-
i had gongcha just now
and i think i drank it too fast, heh.
also i wanna look for more random stuff to post here.
(:
check back
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
with that said~
i also got my first roll of film taken with my fm2 developed.
pretty pleased with some of the shots
so yay -leaps with joy-
