i'm sorry but i think that your smile is ... and i cant stand it, never could actually. (:
this is just one of those, contemplative posts (: so dont read too much into it. i am still very much a happy girl (: ♥
i think in many ways, people who are attached, and who are happy, tend to bank all their happiness on a few major things. failing which, they retreat into the shell that is their security and comfort, and stay there; until coerced out.
and i, for one, do not like the idea of having to be convinced into happiness again. it suggests a very dependent nature, which i wouldnt like.
so its like, what i'm trying to say is, simply (herein the irony lies sometimes.) in a r/s, one should be generally, (most of the time) happy.
failing which, i guess its safe to say, goodbye.
♥
i really like these two photos. took the first one, photoshopped the second. the first one looks like magic. i just like the value in the second.
the visit to SAM was awesome (: i am in love with some of the korean artists' works. super awesome paintings.
(: then of course, the four of us, (nad, gina and sarah!) went out for awhileeee (: took photos ! (which i will post when nad and gina upload them) :D and had lunch at the foodcourt (: salmon pepper rice was yummy (: shared with sarahquekruizhen.
then chrispy (LOL.) came (: listened to our girl talk for awhile, lol. then we went to river island and topshop (:
Speaking of which, i think i mighttttt -just MIGHT- wanna get these from River Island, since my current flats have lasted me TWO years. see how (:
ANYWAYS, then chrispy and i left to go s.t.u.d.y. (: common tests coming in less than 10 days !!!
haha, with that said, i need to prepare for my show and tell on monday. graded! aaaand like, i need to quickly consolidate my concept !!! which is like, majorly important... lol, it looks like its gearing towards childhood happiness, vs, now happiness. haha yea (:
this is random, but sometimes i really wish that i wasnt j2 this year, so i can enjoy time more, but i guess not so yea- no choice but to deal with it... (:
studying was pretty alright. manage to cover almost all of econs, cept inflation.
then, i still have geogggggggg-hydro and globalisation and ART-new media rep. ah. cant let stress get the better of me..
okay i better get started on the art presentation! aaaand remind a certain someone a certain something :D
Thursday, February 26, 2009
a good friend of mine told me today, that people in love are happier. and that they have this glow about them, that makes them look prettier.
(:
school today was alright, got grumpy at geog. but my grumpy-ness never really lasts long unless its something totally annoying. lol.
today was draining, but alright in the sense that i survived on like only an hour of break the wholeeeeeeeeeee day. (: so i think i shall focus on the stuff which made me happy today lol.
1. (: the pink sky in the morning! (this doesnt make me a bimbo)
2. YOU (of courseeeeee) :D and all the sweeeeet stuff you do.
3. CT Period, LOL, which was indescribable haha. lets just say, it was different.
4. Shawn and Nic's bday :D happy birthday guys (: :D and sonnnnnn! i'll take you out soon okay, i promise !
8. Econs lecture which i didnt feel sleepy in at all ! :D
9. Briana showing me the primary 1 class photos. like omgggggggggggggggggggggggg. I MISS IJ PRIMARY SO MUCH. AND IJ SECONDARY TOO.
10. tmr is friday (YAY YAY YAY) and the day after tmr is saturday :D SAM with the artgirls yay yay yay and eaaaaarly morning with ♥ (: i'm so happy already (:
see what i mean :D ♥
haha anyways all the happiness aside, i am really tired. -fighting to keep my eyes open! aaaand i have more medicine to take ): cos the gastric is still there, shucks.
okaaaay i'm going to get a drink (: and ah i still need to lose weight can :/
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
i saw a rainbow today (: it was right outside my balcony, and i could see the whole arch- where is started, and where it ended. it was amazing.
and i've been wanting to see a rainbow for so long now (: so it made me really really very happy. (:(:(:
rewind & hit pause.
(this post is pretty random at parts!)
so its my second day at home :/ kinda sick of missing school :/ cos i miss you its like a bad thing. to keep falling sick. shucks. but yeaaaaaaa. idk.
anyways i'm pretty unsettled about art :/ and common tests are drawing nearer, not to mention ART show and tell, AH. stressed much.
though i think i'm kinda numb to everything now :/ which is bad.
whenever i'm home alone and sick, i tend to think a lot. about where i am now, where i wanna be. and yea :/ it scares me sometimes, but i guess the best consolation is to just study hard now, and do well in As.
well okay i shant turn emo, (: sighhhh. though i still wish i wish i could rewind and hit pause. sooooo. common tests are coming, AH. and i'm getting fat. ):
sigh. okay i need to- think of art, properly- cos this is a long term affecting decision. study econs, geog. revise maths. exercise; lose weight. go for choir. spend quality time. with you. stop procrastinating.
anyways, my saturday plans are kinda ruined by the trip to SAM. which leaves me slightly sad. but i guess there's sunday, and i'll be with sarah, nad and gina so it'll be fun. (i'm trying to convince myselffff.) until you come outside says: 24hrs in a day aint enough man
anyways, for the kind of girl who doesnt need to know she's pretty or whatever, when i'm grumpy, somehow, hearing that helps. (okay this is entirely RANDOM)
and yea la, i just feel very sick and tired now. i know an hour from now i'll be all happy and cheery, i'm just having a mood swing.... temporarily.
so yea (: oh and this song really reminds me of you.
you have no idea how much i miss vietnam and the vietnams.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
sometimes i think my thoughts are thinking faster than time itself. and i guess this post is full of random-ness.
sigh i'm getting fat :/ and i thought a few days ago i just convinced myself that i wasnt :/ idk la. annoying. and i really dont like running.
and i dont like being home alone and sick. its. sickening ):
since i am sick. i shall sleep early. even if it means no talking to you :/
fairytale.
so i went to school for a one and a half hour break period. during which i got very bad stomache pains. so i ended up cabbing home. (i cabbed to school hurr)
♥ accompanied me to get the early leave form, and walked me all the way out to flag a cab. (: thanks ♥
went to the doctor's, gastric infection :/ four tablets and a capsule. gross. (though i must admit that i'm getting used to medicine, seeing as how i've been falling sick so often :X )
so yea :/ went to take medicine. then stayed in bed till five. superpain. couldnt move. (i seriously dont know how i'm going to go through childbirth with my tolerance of pain lol) yeaaaa.
the medicine helped though (: not to mention a certain someone's TLC (tenderlovingcare) (: ♥ (: made me feel so much better, really ! thanks darling.
Monday, February 23, 2009
i think today i reached a point where i cant be bothered with people who make shallow assumptions about anything. it just shows how superficial they are. and i am annoyed with myself for tolerating it sometimes. right now, i'm thinking to myself- wth was i thinking when i tolerated that crap.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
happiness.
i am really happy. haha the inner bimbo in me, thought that the art essay was supposed to be three pages- six sides, when in actual fact its only three sides. so i ended up writing four sides after realising it on my fourth point, on my third side lol.
i am pretty pleased with the essay (: ah, the satisfaction of a well written essay (: hope it scores though lol.
i think SOVA essays are the only essays which i write very passionately about. i guess its cos art is a very accessible subject to me.
i think i get the same satisfaction from econs essays too though- just that perhaps for econs, its arguing for smth, for the sake of knowing that its a fact. whereas for art, the sense of ownership over the argument is higher cos its my opinion.
haha, so yea (: i am very happy. i think i will get down to sleep by 12 tonight, which is awesome (: gonna set my target for art tmr (: i feel so directed tonight. (: really very pleased and i seem to be emitting happiness, somehow. :D
this is weird, but this sudden outburst of happiness, looks set to last me the entire day tmr. :D
(: so this weekend has been pretty interesting and productive. i have to continue with my art essay now. so yea (:
haha gotta be a good girl (:
Saturday, February 21, 2009
i wanna fast forward my life to when we're permanent. ♥
the highlight of ytd was the costume photoshoot. it was pretty embarrassing. though ibrahim and i got numb after awhile, lol. the outfits were kinda like fashion disasters. see for yourself-
nevertheless, it was FUN (: anyways today :D spent time studying some econs. then went shopping for art and guitar stuff.
then got i kinda got sidetracked since i didnt understand some of the inflation stuff. (lolllll.) so we went to the nlb,and i found some lovely watercolour painting books :D so yea, watercolour is my new black. (: i am looking forward to art tutorials nowadays cos its the time for me to explore new medium, namely watercolour
(:so yea (: i shall go back to deviantart for more water colour inspiration now.
(: despite the impending common tests, and your busy-ness (!) i'm still a very content and happy girl.
i read this on a friend's LJ,
"At the very same time, i'm telling myself that i'm preparing myself to accept when i/you have to say bye, because there's gonna be times when you have to go and you wouldnt have a choice.
and those are the times that i really need to be okay. those are the times i need to be sure that you love me. and eventhough you say bye, you know you'll be back for me.
i need to be sure that you love me, the way i love you."
and its like she took the words right outta my head (:
ilu.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
secret worlds.
today is in a GENERAL word, sickening. i think i'm just generally pmsing or smth?
but yea.
like about the only not sickening thing about today was completing an econs essay which, i have to admit was pretty well done.
art was alright too. finished the watercolour cept for the skin cos i havent bought watercolour pencils yet.
kinda in a bleaaaah mood cos i still have one more econs essay- of which i've only done the intro. so yea :/ thats making me feel sian.
and of course, you still are uncontactable most of the time. which is kinda hard to live with but i guess its okay la. (: -this is a forced smileeeee.
studying with ben and pearl, then victor, michelle and jasmine was productiveeee. and yea i dont feel like blogging alreadyyyyy.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
thunderbolt. miss you, love you.
so today was pretty good. i was fighting to stay awake during both gp tutorial and gp lectures today, must be cos i slept at 1+ last night.
anyways, i am getting pretty agitated at small things now. i know this generally applies to normal people- to get grumpy at small things, esp when we're already annoyed by smth.
so basically, i am terribly annoyed that his phone got stolen. it is a major inconvenience. and like yea, annoying la. i dont need to see him 24 hours a day, but like, being contactable would help. (okay so blogging bout it makes me feel better, somewhat)
anyways, like the thing in school that has got me feeling better and motivated is.. perhaps a little ironically, ART.
so i have been spending the past two days in school till 9pm, alone in the art room (yes it gets a little creepy but oh well) drawing/painting/pen sketching. and i must say, its enjoyable.
i am beginning to get the hang of the whole i dont see my art hw as hw concept. which is of course, beneficial. (in terms of art getting done :D) my current progress is- explored pen sketching, coloured tracing papers, aaaand water colour :D i shall invest in a good set of water colour pencils really really soon- i mean, this weekend.
and drawing people, is no longer a feared thing. which is smth pretty major for me, considering i always used to draw, either objects, flowers or horses. heh.
so yea (: people. (:
anyways i am happy to have changed my progress to sort of reminiscing the burden-free childhood happiness, that i am deprived of at present. haha, yup.
anyways yea. i am still very annoyed. and watercolour painting is destressing.
the opp cost of it is, all my other hw though lol.
anyways, photoshop is keeping me occupied (: (see, art again.) but i'm really actually just waiting for you to reach home, bathe and call me. so yea, back to art. i cant wait for thursday. (: i need things to look forward to.
i am afraid of growing dependant, and yet at the very same time, i embrace the idea of you being there for me.
aaaand i know its only like an hour since we talked but i dont like that you have no phone (i know it wasnt your choice of course..) it makes me feel very distant it makes you appear very unreachable :/ ah but well, we're in the same school (:
(:
your light is ultraviolet ♥
so today was a good day.
for the following reasons- econs was good, i stressed out for nothing, totally. art was good, got direction, know what to explore, its looking fun (: i like pen drawings. pe was good (eventhough i still feel fat) swah came to deliver lovely super yummy cupcakes (: thanks swahhhh ! :D aaand clifford got my photoshop working again! which makes me really really so so super h-a-p-p-y, happy!
(: the only unhappy thing is that chris lost his phone ):
and well, since this blog is private now, i can post whatever i want cos only 20 people can read this :D yay. and haha you lucky people, lol.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
drowning.
i think you can learn alot from reading people's blogs. and i dont mean just the informative gossip stuff, but like, deeper insights into how people think, what makes people feel the way they feel. and how people feel nostalgic.
i make it a habit to blogsearch certain things, just so i'm not blind, but rather, realistic, when it comes to pointing out views that people have about srjc, sc, and even me.
so today i found out a number of things-
orientation was a blast. (: i didnt need to blogsearch that to know, but blogsearching just confirmed it, although mention of the sc never came in the same page as orientation being awesome. not that i expect it to, cos i mean, that kinda thing prolly only appears on a councillors website. so it was kinda (KINDA) disappointing to know that nobody recognises us. but well, thats the give and take of being in council (: you dont need the recognition and you dont get it anyways. (not all the time)
i also chanced upon a girl's blog, and she mentioned an incident when her uniform was mis-recognised as srjc's (seeing as how both are similar shades) and how she felt about it. and as i was reading her blog, i asked myself, what's the big deal? and i cant really seem to find an answer to that :/like, idk. its like, just your clothes right. surely what defines a student is more than the exterior? being who i am, saying what i say, standing up for what i stand for, aint because of my uniform. and if i correlate this point to the previous one, you dont need other people to recognise you, to know that you ought to be recognised sometimes.
third point. i dont regret my council experience. and looking back on it, i've really grown. really. grown. i've struggled, there's no denying, but i pulled through.
i think what i need know is a wake up slap. because i have not been feeling like studying- which is MAJORLY bad. MAJORLY bad. and its not cos of anything. i just feel so dry when it comes to studying. like, idk if its a burnout. or just, i need a break.
sigh, i know i'll pick myself up. eventhough i get emo and sian and think alot when i feel that lack of direction, the next day, or hour, or minute, i will wake myself up. and everything will be okay again.
i guess thats the weird and stubborn part of me. i dont like to rely on people. cos the instant i do, i run the fear of losing them. sigh.
and now, i just feel like i'm drowning. fuck.i really hate this.
so today we went to Raffles Medical Centre to visit Aunty Bevy and my new baby cousin, daniela (:
she's really so small and warm and cute. carried her and it was so awwww. (: you see-
after that we did some window shopping at bugis (: aaand then we bused to beach road for tang yuan (: and sugarcane, and belgian waffles (i am sucha pig today) and otah.
then we came home. and i am seriously so so so tired !!! i fell asleep at a number of places- the ward, the bus to the mrt on the way home, and the mrt.
the good thing about today was that we went for 9.45am mass :D (YAY OMG.)
haha doesnt help that i still have econs hw, shucks.
aaand from ytd :D haha, turquoise jewel-y heart earring (: and it matches the new pink ones :D
and of course, not forgetting these (: i just changed the water and cut the stems of all and got rid of all the leaves.
(: i still owe you a song!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
valentines day (:
i will blog with photos when i upload them (: it was awesome (: (:
being the first vday, not that the day really matters, but you know what i mean... yea (:
the flowers were beautiful (: awww, love you. the video made me go all aww-so-you-so-funny-so-cute-heart-melts. :D
the curious case of benjamin button was pretty good, so i thought. very touching, and i cried at parts lol. (: so it was a good vday movie (:
lunch was good too :D and of course, the company was awesome ;)
walked around, and haha, refused to sing at yamaha :X (later on the phone okay!)
then came home, plated Xbox :D haha i am not a noob at halo, clearly :D i killed four hunters okay! lollll, bait :P
(: so yea i had an awesome day (: and the messaging is making it more awesome. seriously.
and in the long run, i know this is really something. (: thanks for today, really. -hugs. and thanks for being with me. (:
Friday, February 13, 2009
SRJC ORIENTATION 2009
here's letting you know that i am very much alive and kicking (:
i am also extremely glad that orientation went very well (: i am happy. really very genuinely happy. (: tmr is valentines day, and i'm looking forward to going out (: its a much needed break.
i am happy. happy happy. and happy (:
i will blog properly when i'm not so tired. tmr i have to wake up eaaaarly haha (:
i'll leave you with a retarded photo.
model for today, LOL.
happy valentines day ! esp to Amanda, Germaine, Davidddd, Vibs, ZT, Jon, Mel, Dinez, Mikeee, Sam, Tingyi, Fon, SARAHHHQUEK, the recess bunch and of course, you (:
Monday, February 09, 2009
today was nothing short of awesome (: councillors, ogls, gfs and freshmen, thanks for being a part of the awesome-ness :D best part is
its only day 1 :D
Sunday, February 08, 2009
i am feeling sian now, hence the lousy arrangement of this post- i.e. random sentences.
i like the nlb but maybe not so much alone i think my independence level tends to drop a little when i'm no longer single.
i cant wait for tmr! i hope i manage to get a cab in the morning though.
and since we're on the topic of school, i dont like econs anymore. could it be because i am doing lousily in it? -doubt so, cos i still like geog. i dont like econs essays. i dont wanna do my econs essays ): sigh. i hate forcing myself to do things that i dont want to do ):
and i am just really tired, frustrated at my inability to do work with the same, effort as before and i miss you ):
i think i need to move to LJ so i can blog more effectively. with effective meaning, more, ...what's the word for it.... cathartic posts. and not to mention private.
lets just put it this way, if i blogged about my day today, i'd be turning this post into a sleeping pill.
Friday, February 06, 2009
to make it all okay.
today was a relatively good day. i started of sick. gp was alright, art was good- v. productive, lunch was lovely, geog was alright, council was good, and staying behind to do art was good as well (:
tmr there's cip, i dont really like flag days. anyways (: i'm tired. so i'm gg offline.. blog again soon or smth.
goodnighttttt.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Happy like that (:
eventhough i've got songs like Fall for you, and Broken Strings stuck in my head,
i am a happy girl (:
catching up with work is a great feeling. games orientation starts next week though so i better not speak too soon since my voice is still in the going, going, gone state (:
CT period today was...different, and i liked it. (: it made a lot of people smile.
and classes after it seemed more bearable. maths test was good. doing the econs essay was productive too (:\
i realised that i havent had 'alone' time in quite awhile. so when i was studying alone after 8 and when i went home late alone after studying so much, it felt, somewhat good.
havent had that good feeling cos of work in quite awhile (: with the exception of SOVA (: which is like, the hw i will most eagerly do, aha (:
with that said, i still have essay 2 to do like, two third more of. and the essay test essay, like, one quarter more (:
it helps that school starts at 7.30am for me tmr (: feels good getting an extra HOUR of sleep (: cos i've been sleeping at around one plus, to two. dont even get me started on the eyebags..
haha sticking stickers with dud and keith after school was fun too, lol! :D
and of course seeing the ogls always makes me happy, somehow (:
and yea (: lets hope this streak of happiness continues :D
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
haha i'm thinking, funny how you ended up with a twit.
anyways i am on MC today. which is bad :/ the viral infection has been on since chinese new year. and i'm on a totally new and different dosage of medicine now. which is bleah, but well i'm used to tablets now at least. i ALMOST got antibiotics. lucky the side effect of it is bad gastric and i told the doctor i always get it really bad already (: so yea no more antibiotics at least ! (: i realised i should have gone on MC ytd so i wouldnt miss college dance and all :/ heard that the freshies and of course, OGLs were awesome. anyways.
i'm still sick what's new right...
and i super feel like drawing with you around (: so i'm gonna go do just that (: love much.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
sometimes,
when i really think about it, when i think about what i'm doing with my school life, i ask myself whether its worth it.
sometimes its really difficult to make myself see that its worth it, but other times, that really isnt necessary.
cos it aint just about doing smth that is appreciated (after all half the time it isnt recognised.) its more like, pushing yourself so that you know, so that you, yourself can know that you did it.
when you thought you couldnt. after all, i guess, for me, the expectations i have of myself rival those which others have of me.
and yes, i am thinking about this, and feeling relatively moody because work is beginning to catch up with me, and with this awful load of work.
and with this awful load of work, i need to set my goals right.
on a sidenote, since i am about to delve into sketching furiously- i think there's irony in that my art's on being happy, when i am too busy to be consciously documenting happiness.
thank you chris, tingyi, sam, sarah, fon, dud, yoges, david, jon, jeremy and jasmine for keeping me happy, in the most obvious ways, to the smallest ways, thank you guys for just, keeping me from reaching extreme levels of omg-i-want-die-ness. esp when everything else seems to set me into instant moodiness over mundane nothing nowadays. love muchhh.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
(: Happy eighteenth :D
finally the same age :D (but you're still like a small boy :X -kidding k)
ytd was a happy day (: so is today (: sorry i cant go later though :/ MIGHT only be able to drop by...
i'll make it up to you alrightttt :D
and sooo, tmr is orientation! which leaves me stressing, hope the freshmen are nice...
on a more medicine-y note, i am STILL on anti biotics. and i dont like tablets. though i am used to swallowing five a day now BLEAH.
okaaay i have to go for my grandfather's 81st bday party, its supposedly a surprise..... yea (:
once again happy birthday darling, i love youuuu (: :D