I WISH YOU KNEW.


i really wonder if i feel so bleah
its prolly just a moodswing,
but it still sucks.


it feels like i'm alone.
and no one cares.
and even if i cried myself dry,
i would still feel the same.
it feels like no matter what i do,
i can never get to you.
its too late.
i'm always too late.
to realise what i need.
until its too late.
and then it just sucks.


so i guess i dont make much sense,
its just the stress getting to me.
like how it does every night.
but tonight somehow its worst.
somehow,
its worst.
and you dont even know it.

today -


studying was good.
i am beginning to love econs essays.


i am also beginning to feel a tinge of jealousy over some lameass stuff
(not you, bro lol)


anddd i cant seem to find any thing i like anymore.
the only satisfaction i derive,
is from studying.


how weird is that.


and yeah i suspect that i'm having a moodswing.
i also hope i am working harder then average.
okay i better blog less.

today's studying was good.


but you know the cheap thrill kicked in at four
so it was shopping break.


with shopping,
its like a buy at first sight thing
you know when you see smth,
if you get the i cant not get this feeling,
you're done for,
because its buy at first sight.


its the feeling that when you look at something,
you know you gotta have it.


i have a wishlist to fulfill after the As.
here it goes.
my buy at first sight but need to save first hurr list.
1. studded squirrel keychain (Paper market)- $49.90
2. Panther necklace (Diva) - $29
3. Heart earrings (River Island) - $21
4. Bib jewelled necklace (Accessorize) - $44.90
total cost = $145.80


see, i need to save up.
okay, back to study mode.

today's studying was good.


but you know the cheap thrill kicked in at four
so it was shopping break.


with shopping,
its like a buy at first sight thing
you know when you see smth,
if you get the i cant not get this feeling,
you're done for,
because its buy at first sight.


its the feeling that when you look at something,
you know you gotta have it.


i have a wishlist to fulfill after the As.
here it goes.
my buy at first sight but need to save first hurr list.
1. studded squirrel keychain (Paper market)- $49.90
2. Panther necklace (Diva) - $29
3. Heart earrings (River Island) - $21
4. Bib jewelled necklace (Accessorize) - $44.90
total cost = $145.80


see, i need to save up.
okay, back to study mode.

today's studying was good.


but you know the cheap thrill kicked in at four
so it was shopping break.


with shopping,
its like a buy at first sight thing
you know when you see smth,
if you get the i cant not get this feeling,
you're done for,
because its buy at first sight.


its the feeling that when you look at something,
you know you gotta have it.


i have a wishlist to fulfill after the As.
here it goes.
my buy at first sight but need to save first hurr list.
1. studded squirrel keychain (Paper market)- $49.90
2. Panther necklace (Diva) - $29
3. Heart earrings (River Island) - $21
4. Bib jewelled necklace (Accessorize) - $44.90
total cost = $145.80


see, i need to save up.
okay, back to study mode.

i have a lot of self initiated art projects to undertake as soon as As are over.
i will have freedom, shopping, movies, picnics, dates, you name it.
i can really do whatever i want.
with the freedom of singledom,
i can do what i like,
and i like the sound of that (:



i am also very much looking forward to studying with the S-es at Starbucks at City Hall tmr.
i am also very much looking forward to post studying shopping cheap thrills.
i know its going to be an AWESOME DAY
and its not even here yet ;)
(and i am currently in an awesome mood hehe)

cos when i'm not there,
i know i really ought to be there.


vietnam really made me happy.



Shopping directory yo.


today


was mostly spent studying,
which is good.
this weekend was econs essay weekend,
happy with the productivity,
gotta keep it up :D


okaaay my muscle ache is still there,
anddd my eyes are calling me to sleep.
okaaay i have to wake up at 8am tmr
(otw sarah will spam call and sms me like there's no tmr)
soooooo this is a shortpost :D



and on a random note,
I WANT TO GET MY SQUIRRELCHIPMUNK TMRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR PFFT.


so since now i am living on cheap thrills,
and making myself happy
(amidst concentrating on studying)
so i was thinking,
should i get the River Island heart studs !?
(this is like a total bimbo-ish post, but it isnt luh)

LEAVE NO REGRETS.


completing the nike human race was tougher than i expected.
of course, not having trained or even not running since the will run in august didnt help lol.
when it was like 15 mins and i still had two k left,
it was like instant chiong mode,
cos i really wanted to complete within one and a half hours.


so i told myself its do or die,
and i have to complete it.
its like getting As at A levels.
i want it badly.
so i need to push myself.


managed to finish right on time.
feels good.
despite the muscle aches,
it feels good.
so now i know i gotta mug my ass off till As.
LEAVE NO REGRETS.



its also damn awesome that SR won, again (:
and yeah its just awesome.
and i cant really find any other way to describe how it felt/feels,
completing it for the first time,
but i know for As,
i wanna feel the same way.


hold me to it.




(: grad day was awesome.


will post picts as soon as they load,
blogger is taking ages (:


phototaking after grad day in the hall,
was crazy lol.
it was so warm.
in all the photos,
peoples faces were so reddish and flushed.
had to photoshop more orange in (:


still (:
it was great (:
(not just taking photo with my ec lol)


(: sooo its the nike human race tmr !
i better sleeeeeep soon (:


SRJC FTW.



so tonight,
my friend since sec 2 surprised me with a random call,
i'm so glad i answered
(cos at first i didnt know who it was)


"haha this call is really random. what's up?"
"didnt you know, its catch up with old friends night"


and then the convo started (:
it was pretty nice.
and nostalgic,
esp seeing as how the last time we talked was like, in sec two.
picking up from where we left of was pretty awesome that way.
(:
haha only when he said,
"i still have the letter you wrote me in sec 2"
i totally should have said
"i still have the soft toy you gave me in sec 2, for my birthday"
instead of "haha i forgot what letter"


still, it was a nice flashback,
and it was nice to hear my name when he talked (hi sam, bye sam, night sam)
people dont usually do that nowadays.
(:
so yeah i'm glad for that call.


i also found this post, by him, pretty thought provoking,
and i like it.
have a read (:


Today is Childrens' Day celebration. In my school, we do not celebrate this day anymore. I reason that this is due to us students growing older into young adults, and not being considered children anymore.


When does a child become a teenager, or even an adult?


A 5 year old is a child. A 15 year old is a teenager. A 25 year old is an adult. When do these changes happen? Does a child become a teenager at 13 years old? Does he change into a teenager the moment the clock points to midnight on his birthday? When does one become an adult? At the exact time and date he was born, 21 years down the road?


If you pour a bottle of table salt onto the floor, we say that there is a pile of salt on the floor. What if I take away one grain of salt? Is there a pile of salt on the table? If I take away another grain is the pile of salt still remaining? Suppose I continue to remove the salt grain by grain until there is only one grain left. Do I call that a pile of salt on the floor? At what point did the pile become a sprinkle?


It is impossible to choose any single point to distinguish between a pile and sprinkle. Any point chosen would be purely arbitrary and not absolute. Similarly, there is no clear line between child, teenager or adult. The transition between these categories is fuzzy and continuous. It is not a discrete change from one form to another. As we grow older, we become less and less like a child and more and more like an adult in a gradual process.


That being said, I see yearly birthdays as an arbitrary choice. One could celebrate their birth on any other day and any other time. Why celebrate our birth yearly? Why not monthly or biennially? Why at midnight and not at the exact time we were born?


Like a pile of salt, and like our status as children or adults, many other things cannot be clearly distinguished and are merely arbitrary decisions made by other people. For example, the metre was historically defined by the French Academy of Sciences as the length between two marks on a platinum-iridium bar, which was designed to represent one ten-millionth of the distance from the Equator to the North Pole through Paris. A second is defined as the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium 133 atom. How about the number of hours in a day? Why are there 24 hours? Why not 10? Why not 20? All these distinctions are results of other peoples' judgments.


Most of us live in this world abiding by standards and rules other people have set and defined for us without us even realising it.

so this is it.
finally came to a realisation,
it may be the same old one,
but this post is more of for self assurance.


A's are in 18 friggin days.
you cant get closer than that!
(i know tmr you will but....you get my drift)


so i really gotta find somewhere to make my studyhavenplace
and mug to the death there.
yes.
now that sounds like really getting down to it.


so here's saying
that i will uphold the following (as best i can haha)


eat less, study more.
talk less, read more.
doodle less, write more.
play less, sit more.
complain less, memorise more.
and just study my ass off.


A's, As here i come.

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around


Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

this is a true secret (not a secret anymore)
the more i read/hear/get what you say,
the more it justifies that we just cant form the bigger picture.



so anyways,
life (as life for any typical j2 student would) revolves around...
make a guess.



















yeah.
STUDYING.


been staying back to study.
its been on off productive wise,
but generally pretty good.


it has also been damn tiring,
but thats the way it rolls,
i know it.


so i have been living on cheap thrills.
oven break (I FINISHED THE GAME TODAY FINALLY OMG)
sushiiiiiiii from Edo.
sticking stickers on my gc.
playing the machine game thingy at the bubble tea shop.
drying my hair in front of the fan.


you name it.
the one i hate the most though,
is that i look forward to the end of each pre A like its the real thing.
only, (we all know)
it isnt.


i am (can i say this?)
also not looking forward to the rehearsal tmr.
till seven pm!?
ah.


anddd i need more sleep.

CHANGE. TRANSIENT. FLUXIVE.


i'm losing steam as of late.


not sure if its due to any recent events,
but i guess i'll gain momentum when art ends on thurs.
somehow,
i am not looking forward to grad day.
cos eventhough it means the end of my tertiary education
and not having to wear a school uniform anymore (not counting the a lvl period)
it means not being around the familiar faces in sr
and that really, changes everything.


and i dont really like changes.

CHANGE. TRANSIENT. FLUXIVE.


i'm losing steam as of late.


not sure if its due to any recent events,
but i guess i'll gain momentum when art ends on thurs.
somehow,
i am not looking forward to grad day.
cos eventhough it means the end of my tertiary education
and not having to wear a school uniform anymore (not counting the a lvl period)
it means not being around the familiar faces in sr
and that really, changes everything.


and i dont really like changes.

CHANGE. TRANSIENT. FLUXIVE.


i'm losing steam as of late.


not sure if its due to any recent events,
but i guess i'll gain momentum when art ends on thurs.
somehow,
i am not looking forward to grad day.
cos eventhough it means the end of my tertiary education
and not having to wear a school uniform anymore (not counting the a lvl period)
it means not being around the familiar faces in sr
and that really, changes everything.


and i dont really like changes.

CHANGE. TRANSIENT. FLUXIVE.


i'm losing steam as of late.


not sure if its due to any recent events,
but i guess i'll gain momentum when art ends on thurs.
somehow,
i am not looking forward to grad day.
cos eventhough it means the end of my tertiary education
and not having to wear a school uniform anymore (not counting the a lvl period)
it means not being around the familiar faces in sr
and that really, changes everything.


and i dont really like changes.

CHANGE. TRANSIENT. FLUXIVE.


i'm losing steam as of late.


not sure if its due to any recent events,
but i guess i'll gain momentum when art ends on thurs.
somehow,
i am not looking forward to grad day.
cos eventhough it means the end of my tertiary education
and not having to wear a school uniform anymore (not counting the a lvl period)
it means not being around the familiar faces in sr
and that really, changes everything.


and i dont really like changes.


i want to be more like summer finn.
aaand for starters,
i need a blue and black butterfly to pin on my shirtsss.
yes.

(: 500 days of summer
was awesome in a bittersweet, reality bites way.


doing math today was awfully bleah lol.
ah but well.
i am also increasingly scared for art on thurs.
aaand ah geog paper one for As.


okaaaay i need to take the next 21 days really seriously.
this means i will consider saturday evening mass.
followed my night mugging.
followed by sunday morning-till-night mugging.
i know it sucks that my house is increasingly becoming like a hotel.
and that i am a tenant.
but ah its short term.
its all damnnn short term (:
and its going to be over really really soon.


so i gotta mug my heart out.

22



soooo my nose is all acting up on me now, which is really pretty sickening
and it makes me sickkkkkkkkkkkk.


today i spent the day out with my familyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Ion (which my bro pronounces as Iron)
and all sorts of random food haha.
-the super long queue octopus balls at the food hall which own takopachi,
-some fish thingyyy with like different fillings,
-R burgerrrrr- ume burger,
-peking duckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk (OMG NICENESS)
-the Renald's (or is it renaldo- i cant decide if the apple before the apostrophe is supposed to be an O) bailey's coffee eclair.
-mango shaved ice


haha so there's my culinary experience for todayyyyyyyyyy (lol)
apart from that,
i have accumulated studying energy for tmr-
which is a totally nicer way of saying didnt study today.


nowwww its 22 days and honestly,
my current most feared paper is----
geog paper one.
totally need to buck up on content.


i should save memory space for limestone landforms and hydraulic processes (among other things) instead of wishlists and things to do after As.
REALLY.



oh and recent cravings include-
sushi. (or ikura don works.)
yoghurt rittersport.
candy floss.


okaaay now idk whether to go to sch tmr lol.

today was pretty awesome.
(:
i felt pretty awesome being out and about (:


its a newfound feeling
(of course...)


anddd yeah (:
it was a great saturday (:

i like the kind of happy knowing that the people you love are happy.
i also like the kind of happy knowing that i am happy with myself.
and nothing can change that.



this please (:

free as a butterfly.


(:
days've been normal,
recent events have been...what's the word for it..


eventful,
to say the least.


never the less all is well (:


i am looking forward to the NJ art exhibition tmr.
aaand for the geog paper to be over.

You came into my life
And I thought hey
You know this could be something.


today i thought i was happy
and going to be okayyyy
(: you dont even know ):

i've been here along.


somehow there's smth i like about this video.
maybe its the whole idea of her being unnoticed and stuff.
its so sweet.
and i like how taylor swift brings across that fairytale ending in her vids,
even if reality aint that great in comparison.
its the hope thats worth it.

what i'd give for this to happen at prom.

sometimes 90210 makes me feel emo,
this is lame,
but its cos it makes me realise that i'm not as happy as i could be.
and that feeling sucks :/


but its just a small thinggg i guess :/
everything always seems so happy
and nice
and sigh.


i know fairytale endings dont exist.

today was a normal, bearable friday.


part:7 art exhibition was pretty awesome.


it was satisfying to have people look at my work and feel happy and nostalgic and all kiddy again.
that gave me some sense of fulfillment.


but it also tugged at my heart when some guys just didnt get it,
or thought it was shallow and stuff.
and that kinda bugs me.


but hey,
self satisfactory right.
though i have to admit,
it gets to me when people compare mine against the rest since
yes, it is the smallest.
but that doesnt mean its the easiest.
some people underestimate handling watercolour paint.
and i dont like how that rolls.


but i'm over that.


and okay i would love to blog about my plans for tmr,
but i am so damn tired.


goodnight.



8 STEPS TO SUCCESS.
this is inspiring.


so this is how it feels.


the encouragement from the econs dept and mrs tan and mr tan was amazingly sweet and just what i needed.


though wholly,
my pillars of support have been
collapsing,
falling,
eroding,
disintegrating,
melting away
right before me.


and if you dont know how it feels,
it just sucks.


either way,
its do or die.
i am going to make it to the uni.
with 80 points.



ah and okay dustin milligan is damn cute.

somehow deep inside,
i wish secrets werent always secrets.
and that people would just be okay with everything.
cos then people could always be with the ones they loved.


okay so i am friggin stressed.
very scared.
the weight is on me.
i feel burdened, heavy, filled with expectations.
i really hate to disappoint,
and this time,
i'm telling myself


I WONT.


lantern carrying was different this year (:


got the lanterns for free from some community thing which my mum had tickets to.
it was held near my place.
-much to my dad's horror (haha) ,
we carried the electric lanterns.
the ones with the LOUD chinese song tunes in one note.
SO FUNNY.


overall it was a hilarious experience,
imagine the four of us carrying those lanterns,
with the noisy music all on.
DAMN FUNNY.


bumped into darren and family at the canal where we usually carry our normal candle lit lanterns.
hahahaha.


it was funnnnnn and happpyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (:
love my family this way.

today was bearable (:


econs star was amazingly bearable (:
i managed to take it seriously,
with sufficient content so it was pretty shocking aha,
in a good way (:


had dinner with chrispy,
then helped him with econs drq (:


came home, loaded the new version of msn live,
and guess what---
my drawing tool works.
HAPPINESS.


I am looking forward to studying tmr-
i think its mostly the hoodie :D
and the comfort of shorts and slippers and coffee.
and of course, the study drive (:


i also realised that i have an apparent liking for guys clothes. lol.
(upon realising the uniqlo hoodie is actually mens.)


okaaay i need to decide where to study tmr,
my eyes are closing alreadyyyy.

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lyricaltragedy