jaded turquoise

2011-09-06T23:24:00.002+08:00

i cant decide what my favourite song is.

ours - the bravery
elevator love letter - stars
sweet disposition - the temper trap

your hand in mine - explosions in the sky
for when i feel good and happy and warm and awesome

intro - the xx
when i feel upset or when i feel like winding down or when i'm doing something tiring

cosmic love - florence and the machine
any time

let the love back in - the orange lights
lack of colour - death cab for cutie
help i'm alive - metric
your heart is an empty room - death cab for cutie
when i'm disappointed or when i'm stressed

2011-08-25T14:27:00.002+08:00

best news in awhile.

no words can express how extremely overjoyed i am at the prospect of being overseas for six months.
for one, i have never been overseas for more than a few weeks at a time,
and it's very rare cos my family is big and it's tough to make our schedules meet.
being overseas for exchange means i'll get to travel around and it's going to be awesome.

so yes,
it's Jönköping University in Sweden (:

!!!! (:
there'll be bunnies and deer in the forests !!!
that's got me the most excited.
and of course, snow and so many things to take photos of.

i'll be spending my 21st there though and it makes me kinda sad :/
though i'm sure it'll be one to remember. (:
the first day of school is on my birthday
(please dont let me get homesick though i super doubt i will)
the people coming along are pretty awesome too
so yay

my parents have been very supportive of this too
so i couldnt ask for more
(except perhaps $ haha.)
so it looks like this christmas i'll be asking everyone to contribute to the Samantha goes to Sweden fund.
and i need to start RECEIVING tuition jobs.
i've been mailing out but no reply ): what am i doing wronggg.

apart from that,
it's week three of school already.
i pretty much like all my classes
cept 207, which I has a ton of reading zzz
and astro, which i have yet to go for heh.
oh and i havent been around much for online journ too (whoops)

(:
apart from that,
yesterday i was extremely happy,
having gotten exchange in sweden~
woohoo.

wall was real sweet cos he suggested going out to celebrate
and by out he meant going out of ntu
so i was all YAY
and we ended up at Fika at Haji for Swedish food (:
it was super yummy!

i had an open face sandwich with smoked salmon, prawns and roe
and he had swedish beef patties with mashed potato.
we also ordered a potato salad
and for dessert, we hadddd
caramel fudge cheesecake! (:
with a scoop of awesome vanilla icecream

it was nice :D
then we walked round haji for a bit
before taking a train back to ntu (:

i saw this header yesterday.
unicorns existtt~

2011-08-24T00:43:00.002+08:00

random mood photo post
so in some attempt to shift some of my tumblr over here,
i shall post random photos that show my mood for now

gillian zinser just brought dip dyed hair to an all new level of awesome.

i wanna dip dyeeeee my hair

this. ring.

2011-08-20T16:29:00.000+08:00

so dnd is finally over.

it's a very weird surreal feeling.

but i guess it's cos dnd came right after foc and then it was intense chionging

and now it's over.

just like that.

it feels weird because you're doing something

and you're doing some more things

and suddenly it all just stops.

i'm glad with how everything turned out

working behind the scenes was crazy,

but i guess i missed doing that from way before.

i forgot what it was like having a responsibility to do things

at a greater consequence

and i guess dnd made me miss all of that.

after dnd, shagged as we were, we headed to soul,

(where wall decided to crash his head into my nose pfft)

then back to mbs to stay the night.

the bed was super awesome.

and the pillows too.

bel got high and it was pretty crazy but apart from that,

it was awesome.

so now that everything is over.

it's back to school.

in some effort to make myself crazy busy

i've applied for some tuition jobs.

so in the mean time i'm just waiting for replies.

i think i'm a workaholic in all honesty.

i cant seem to accept that there'll be no more photoshopping

no more going to print/buy stuff.

no more (i guess) feeling purposeful.

that's really what all this boils down to.

i want to be useful.

i want to contribute to things in whatever ways.

now that all this workstuff is over.

i feel so out of it.

now i have to relax.

and focus on school.

and i dont really want to focus on school.

it's like i'm looking for something more important than it.

the next most "pressing" thing on my mind is instep application results.

and for some reason,

i have so little optimism for that (sigh)

i'm going to be praying hard.

this feeling of satisfaction is very strange.

but i think it's because i havent felt it this much in awhile

and it's something easily forgotten.

i just realised

that all along i wasnt just living from deadline to deadline

i was chasing the satisfaction that came with meeting those deadlines.

2011-08-16T00:18:00.003+08:00

as i feared, school's really just one deadline to another.

D&D is coming to an end soon

but it's really just been a big stress out

and the whole $ issue is really so crazy.

i dont know what to do.

(though of course,

dont get me wrong-

i'm so excited for it)

all this money talk.

it just really makes me want to rely less on money

it's so tiring.

all we ever do revolves around money.

whether it's wanting to buy something,

needing it to survive

working for it

money somehow seems to be part of every intention and motivation to doing most things in life.

i wonder if that's something i'll ever get used to.

and at the same time, getting rid of money wouldn't help at all.

so really. i dont know what to do, sigh.

i guess once all this dnd stress and instep craziness is over

it'll be all back to books and lectures and tutorials and readings

and everything will be perfectly mundane

but perfectly normal

and easier.

i guess that's why people accept it when things are mundane and they just have to

follow.

it's cos it's safe and easier.

and then when it's all safe and easier,

i cant decide whether that's better.

(or what is)

2011-08-12T21:41:00.001+08:00

2011-08-10T00:16:00.001+08:00

i'm now going to do my instep research

FINALLY.

2011-08-10T00:11:00.003+08:00

been crazy caught up with getting a ton of stuff done for dnd.
sunshine plaza is like my new home,
i went there every fucking day last week
zzz.

imma just post the things i remember randomly from the week.
(apart from going to sunshine plaza every single day)

lychee hokkaido icecream at clarke quay
buffalo wings for $2 and free champagne at beer market on wednesday
simpang with ahmad back and the usual bunch
prata bommmmm with mark and jing and wall
charged at the black box, nlb - pretty awesome stuff
chocolate melts
moving to hall
new stickers
first anniversary w wall

that's about it.
this week feels like its over when its only just wednesday tomorrow.
gotta sell D&D tickets, go for the instep talk, (finish INSTEP research, fuck) and then homecoming.
i'm not expecting much from this week.
cept maybe to finish packing the envelopes for dnd
then next week get the back drop and stickers printed.

i
want
to
kill
something.

2011-08-03T00:39:00.000+08:00

i'm just tired
and it feels like i dont know what i'm doing.

2011-08-03T00:33:00.002+08:00

school's starting soon

and i'm still busy.

i cant decide whether that's a good or bad thing

but i know right now i'm really tired

and it feels like it wouldnt take a lot to make me want to give up

2011-07-31T16:19:00.004+08:00

dnd photoshoot ytd went pretty well

despite it being very rushed

cos the preshoot arrangements took longer than expected.

i also am beginning to increasingly find the idea of make up

very....confusing.

wall did an awesome job with the photos i thought

and i'm really gladddd

i am also finding it very annoying on many levels

that we have to live apart

it's almost like i need to wake up next to you.

anyways part 2 of the shoot's on monday

and imma be moving to hall on wednesday.

here's some major big praying that my roomie is the nicest person ever.

(PLEASE)

2011-07-31T16:19:00.001+08:00

i cant buy you the cameras you want

but i will draw them very nicely

2011-07-30T04:40:00.001+08:00

2011-07-25T02:00:00.001+08:00

happy every day

2011-07-24T23:21:00.006+08:00

hoho so i realised that i havent blogged in a million years.
i have a very bad habit of lounging on my bed with my back slumped against the wall then propping my legs up and resting my mac on my thighs, and it makes me dizzy
but i still do it

strange, i know.

it's been weeks since i posted,
foc is overrrrrr
(woohoo)
i'm glad that pubs paid off in the form of 140 freshies signing up for camp
so in ways it's somewhat a pat on the back
the photomontage made my chest swell a little too
(haha this sounds so awkward but i cant think of any other ways to phrase it)

it was awesome.
and i have to admit it's a bit sad how easy it is to upload photos on fb
and so i have become pretty lazy to upload photos here :/
plus there's instagram so the rest of my photos go there
i will make an effort to upload some stuff here
since i shall attempt to post way more regularly in this space
(i dont even know who visits this space anymore)
(i do kinddddd of like it this way because i can say whatever i want)

okay so anyways
(it seems like i'm always doing some mass pseudo update whenever i blog but nevermind)

okay so two weeks ago there was foc
crazy mad rush with photos
getting stressed
but in good ways
all the awesome stuff that wkwscifoc is made of
agron love
and seeing everything just
(for the lack of a better word)
happen.

i havent felt it in a long time
but it's the feeling of putting so much effort and trust into something
and then when it happens
you just see everything unfold and unravel
and it's pretty amazing to watch
there were hiccups and stuff but it still worked out awesome
it's like that i guess, no matter what shit you get it'll still be fucking awesome
cos you know, for the effort you put in, you deserve for everything to be awesome

and it really was.
i have regrets not getting to be a programmer or running for chair or vicechair
but at the end of the day i still got a taste of satisfaction
and it does feel magical
and it sort of makes me feel less lazy to get in touch with these things
because the sense of fulfilment i get is what's been lacking in my life
in all honesty
(i have JUST realised this)

so yea that was foc.
(: coming up next there's dnd
which is going to be another yay
i'm going to have some real fun with this
and i wanna make sure i do a good job

apart from that i've been hanging with wall
meeting friendssss
and other random stuff

harry potter was good in the sense, i liked it
and i would watch it again.

among other things
wall's been all kinds of awesome
this is random but it's related la uh
he's been on a making me happy streaaaak
(i hope i've been making him as happy)

i shall summarise all the awesomestuff we've been up to

firstttttttt
we had a picnic at botanic gardens
with the swans and ducks
(true story)
for food we hadddd
brie and crackers
proscuitto
schweppes
grapessss
honey oatsss and milk
it was all yayyyyy

we also planned a hatched dayyyy
(also known as wall's treat day awwwww hahaha)
so we met at 1ish and it was a monday
turns out hatched was closed pfffttttt
(how could i forget even after checking !)

so we took a cab down to dempsey instead
we popped by jones the grocer
awesome cheese room
and settled at ps cafe for lunch (:
it was a fucking awesome lunch with wall
(:
the smoked salmon sandwich
and iced coffee
and lemon ginger drink
and sticky date pudding were too good
(:
all thanks to wall (:

then we headed to town for harry potterrrrr yay
but not before popping by river island yay
where i saw a pair of awesome sandals
kinda steep for $80 for a pair of sandals
so we left them awwww
after harry potter we went over to juff's place to pass him smth
then supper then homesweethome

we had random dates here and there
awesome comeovertomyplace surprises
and secret stayovers

we went swimming at aunty bevy's too !! (:
before unplugged
(: that was just last week
wall brought his underwater case
so we took some awesome photossss
these are just a few

aaand
there was the og outing at cuscaden too (:
and i got the river island sandals :D yay
wall said they were too handsome
i have to agree.

most recently was hanging out at emery's place
with wall's friends
(it wasnt weird being the odd one out at least)
it was a good night to say the least (:
got home pretty late at 5am

and that brings us to today ! (:
woke up in time to shower and head for mass
wore my new sandalssss ! (:
and the black and white f21 top
(which shrank in the wash - i hate when this happens)
and the cotton on black bandage
(which reminds me i need a new basic black comfy bandage)

and we had tony roma's for lunch
(YUMMYYYYYY)
and it was awesome
potato skins
onion loaf
baby back ribs

enough to last me the next few months.
(:
wish you were there (:

i shall end of the post with the new sandals! (:
theyre my happy shoes !
imma never be upset in them
so yeah (:

2011-07-05T13:59:00.000+08:00

so i popped by the zara sale yesterday
aaand.
there's a pullover w patches over the elbows that i want :/

2011-07-05T01:29:00.004+08:00

it's been a crazy past week

mostly.

spent tues thurs nights and mon night (today) doing up the main comm photos.
wall helped shoot
shots turned pretty awesome
and i made them kinda kaleidoscopic.
really do quite like how they turned out.
for one, i dont look as dorky and ditzy and stoned.

managed to squeeze time from last week to go for a picnic w wall at the botanic gardens
we had proscuitto and brie and crackers and grapes
and schweppes.
i could live on this.

we saw ducks and swans
so that was enough to make my day
(this kinda sounds like one of those primary school essays-
go for picnic, what we ate, animals we saw, lol)

on thurs night i finally got to meet the a4 girls for dinnerrrr
we met at cathay's astons.
and yayyy finally,
it feels like forever
but with them its always awesomely funny

had supper three days in a row last week
1- teochew porridge w wall and jing
2- swee choon dim sum w wall, audrey and pedro
3- teochew porridge w wall and mark

swee choon was pretty awesome.
the xiao long baos werent too bad
and the yam puffs were awesome.
i like the crysanthemum tea too,
managed to finish a whole pot !

i've been doing alot of random stuff.
i got a new top at forever21~ (:
and wall and i had dinner at fish&co yummmmmmmm
ebiko king prawn (!!)

aaand island creamery teh tarik and bandung and apple pie
and coke float with raspberry sorbet

looks like we've been doing aaalot of eating.

wall's helping vik out w a production
and i'm acting as a secretary in it (LOL)
so we spent the second half of sunday shooting.

sat night was daddy's bday dinner
so the whole family came overrr
and then wall and zac and tab and i,
we played kinect after that yay
pingpong till my wrist ached.

sunday mass was a youth mass
but the priest didnt do or say anything to make it more relevant to the youth
so i found it so weird that they called it a youth mass.
the only thing that made it more of a youth mass
was the fact that the youth attended the mass according to their catechism classes.
oh, that and the sharing by one kid regarding his confirmation camp experience.

i also met the ex girlfriend
(haha)
which is always pretty much an experience in itself
even thought its sans any talking whatsoever
though, there was brief eye contact
but you never really know if they knew you were you
or if they knew....
so yeah it's just that.

lunch was at wisma's food republic (yawn)
we had thai food
which means green curry and pineapple rice and mango salad.

after that mummy went to kino
(and yay she got me Frankie)
and i popped (haha i nearly typed pooped) by the vans flagship store at cine.
good newsssss~
the hello kitty vans are coming in on the 8th.
that's three days before foc so hurray i can wear them out then
*and by wear them out i mean, make them look more used- like wear and tear
not just the use them meaning of wear them out.
haha, pun intended i guess?

i hope i end up getting them
because i always get so fussy over covered shoes.
mostly,
i only wear them in the store when i'm trying them on
and one or two other times
then every other time i'd be like
nuh it's too hot, my toes wouldnt be able to breathe.
and that's the end to wearing them.
so yeah.
i hope i get this pair and i hope i wear them for awhile.
i hope they fit though.

it'll be weirdly disappointing if i dont like them when i try them on
or if the pink looks weird against my skin.

i think i'm thinking too much into this, lol.
i'll prolly like them
i've been anticipating their arrival for waaay too long.
(then again, you dont always end up liking something you've been waiting for)

apart from that
(yea i've been ranting a lot)
i cant remember what else i wanted to say.
apart from the general fact that
i need to start giving tuition
so that i will actually have money
and so that i can actually do the things i want.

that's about the gist of what i wanted to say when i started out with this post.
(lol)

2011-06-30T13:33:00.000+08:00

this ring please?

2011-06-21T22:07:00.001+08:00

this camera looks mad awesome and the shots dont look too bad.
and it costs 70USD.
PFFT.

2011-06-21T21:44:00.003+08:00

i havent blogged in a million years cos i've been so busy with posting all the stuff for foc

and soon to be dnd too.

not to mention all the printing and tshirt and everything.

stress.

but that's more or less over.

been to penang for a week too (:

i've upload all my photos on fb mostly

and on my portfolio.

i'll put up the link soon.

i've been hanging with wall and doing all the things i want to do

apart from shopping

which i feel like doing less and less because

it's not like money grows on trees.

so yeah it's been so busybusy.

i cant remember all the things i've been doing.

so i guess i'll post what i'm gonna do insteaddd

for tonight imma set up the dnd tumblr aaand get my portfolio sorted out.

i super want to go on exchange but there's only a few places i'm interested in.

failing which i guess i'll stay here since com244 basic photojourn's only going to be in sem 2 after this sem pfft and my course reg is only tmr and there arent any slots pfft.

i need to get out of Singapore.

and thennnn apart from that i need to meet with amanda and sarah and sam and everyone

and go on picnics and stuff.

oh and (random) a few weekends i got to go up to the mbs skypark for wall's mum's birthday (:

some photos soon i guess.

i shot on film so they're amazingly good.

i'm getting more accustomed to film and it's less hassle-y i guess.

i want to shoot so much more

i only wish developing the film and buying it was free.

it's not exactly the cheapest thing pfft.

and i dont have a cent pfft.

okay looks i'm ranting, haha.

i havent been on my tumblr in a million years cos i'm so lazy to sign out of the foc one (heh)

so i guess i'll go give it a visit.

apart from that

i need a job pfft.

i want to write and shoot and design all at the same time,

it isnt really working out.

and then i want to make greeting cards.

i think i'll have to just choose which of those i want to do and run with it.

that'll be the next big thing for me

(if it's even considered big, heh)

i hate how the world rolls on money.

you cant do anything

and you're so limited by it.

i'm so limited by it.

and i cant seem to figure out how to do the things i want and be happy

or not do the things i want and be happy

without money.

but that's the way it is for now i guess

i cant wait for the day i'm financially independent.

i cant wait to move out

i cant wait to get my own place

i cant wait to live with wall.

but i dont have a choice now so....shrugs.

i gotta find some work.

looks like tuition's looking very viable now.

okaaay i shall pop by tumblr, do up my portfolio, do some random photoshopping for fun aaand then the dnd tumblr.

ciao

2011-06-11T00:02:00.003+08:00

work and stress make me eat less.

i've had so little sleep and i've been doing so little work

i got sad disappointed angry and hurt

i cried.

i baked a three layer cake.

i only had half a packet of chicken rice.

and two glasses of coke.

and now i'm upset again

but it's the helpless kind of upset

and i'm dizzy,

my head is literally spinning,

even when i close my eyes.

i feel so frustrated with everything

and i dont feel awesome at all.

2011-06-10T19:50:00.002+08:00

i've been feeling really crappy the past few days.

i mean it's not like there werent moments when i was happy

but the moments i got hurt just feel like more

and they just make all the happy moments seem so fast.

i dont know if it's just some fucking hormonal thing

or if it's actual things getting to me

but i feel like i'm so burdened with all of this.

i dont want to feel this hurt

i dont deserve this

2011-06-08T15:42:00.003+08:00

this is how busy i am. it's mostly photoshop illustrator and indesign

cos i'm currently busy with the foc logo and booklet and postcard and all.

it's going to be done by the end of the week

i am going to be fucking happy when it is.

then i need to unpack all the shit i have brought back from hall

(YES i managed to bring everything back hurr)

it was insane and took three trips.

apart from that

i havent even had time to look or sort out any seniors camp photos whatsoever.

i figure for the actual foc i have to ask the photogs for fewer photos to save me a ton of trouble.

okay so now that i can take a short break from the booklet

imma finally organise seniors camp photos and choose some for the booklet.

2011-06-06T00:52:00.003+08:00

i feel very blank.

school's out but it still feels like i'm living from deadline to deadline

no need to guess why

it's kinda nice to be using photoshop so often again though

apart from all that

been spending random amounts of time doing things i want to do

but i still feel like there's something missing

and i cant quite seem to figure what it is

again i've reached this whole comfort zone

i'm very lazy to step out of it

but i feel like i'm being pushed out of it

so i guess i should just get out of it on my own accord.

i dont want the holidays to end but i dont want to be stuck here

not being able to do what i want

with who i want

and all else

but yeah it's like that and i'm used to it

it's more annoying than anything else.

it also makes me feel like i cant remember what i want to do anymore

cos everything i want to do never happens

it's tiring

on my list of things i want to do -

watch xmen and super 8

aaand check out the galaxy bagpack.

and i cant wait to be done with the foc logo and all

and be in penang.

so yeah, i'm looking forward to penang next week

for this whole (long) week

cos there isnt much else in between now

it's not a nice thing to say i guess

but it's nice that i'm the one going away

for once.

2011-06-05T02:09:00.001+08:00

that kipling galaxy bagpack.
be mine.
yes i know its from a million seasons ago but i like

2011-05-28T15:33:00.002+08:00

i've been blogging so much less cos i've been doing so much more
and being really comfortable will wall and what we have.
i cant decide whether i'm being lazy or procrastinating with everything else
but i'm simply happy where i am
though i guess when next week comes i gotta step out of all of this.

havent really thought about it
so i never really thought about it this way.

anyway
among other random things i've been listening to an increased amount of glee
wall's had the car the past week so we've been to east coast and qian hu and some other random places
it's been awesome like i said.

we also had buffet at the line
which was pretty awesome.

there's seniors camp next mon and tues
which i'm looking forward to shooting for.
i also cant wait for mummy to come back on mondayyyy
feels like forever and i miss her cooking and all

and i cant wait to see all the stuff she's got hehe

i am also really feeling like eating smoked salmon so i think i'm going to treat myself to some for dinner later.

havent had waste time time to myself for awhile now

so this will be good.

i sent 4 rolls of fill to develop on wednesday so i'll post them up

as soon as i get them back

2011-05-26T01:24:00.004+08:00

for my favourite boy~

other awesome schtuff from Mike Lowery

2011-05-26T01:24:00.001+08:00

2011-05-17T23:00:00.003+08:00

i havent blogged in two weeks :/ barely felt like i guess
nothing really blog worthy's been happening.

in any case i watched the prom episode of Glee
and this song is so awesome
i had to blog to share it
thats if anyone still reads this space :/

Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri

2011-05-03T21:58:00.003+08:00

so after going for a couple of the opposition rallies,

i've realised a few things.

i've never really been pro PAP or pro opposition.

i just consider both sides,

since i cant vote anyways.

i've been listening to the opposition diss the PAP a lot

and it's something quite.....strange.

they talk about the PAP breaking promises and not being for the people

and not caring bout our future.

but seriously

the way they talk about it

makes it sound so trivial.

and i mean, the levels on which they diss the PAP.

not visiting people's homes,

does that really indicate caring for singaporeans?

it may, to a certain extent, but definitely you can base your judgement just on that.

and all the things about how they broke their promises from five years ago

and how this time around their manifesto is just as vague and nobody understands it

i dont get it.

they cant seem to challenge the PAP enough

it's so easy to say that you will lower gst and that you care for the people

and that you will upgrade their lifts whoever they vote for.

it's so easy to say that you want to make the indicator of good economic growth people's wages instead of gdp

it's so easy to say that you want to make public housing cheaper

it's so easy to say that you care about singaporean's future and the pap doesnt.

i can pick anyone from the crowd and they can say all that.

you want to, but can you really?

what are you saying that shows that you can?

what are you doing that shows that you can?

seriously

i dont think just by voting you into parliament you can change all that so easily

even more so when you havent had any experience before

yes i know it's because you've not been given the chance to speak

yes i agree that policies and everything need to be questioned to make sure they're optimal

and i'm not questioning how genuine you may be

neither am i dissing the idea of having opposition

but all these things you're saying

are so easy to say

at the end of the day,

it's as good as

your word against the PAP's.

what are you doing to show you're more credible?

apart from attacking the credibility of the PAP

which to me, isnt enough.

you can pick at the flaws of the PAP

anyone can pick at someone else's flaws

but if you can pick at their strengths,

and show how you can be better,

then isnt that something more?

isn't that something worth voting for?

2011-04-30T23:26:00.003+08:00

when i really think about whats going on

i just feel this whole sense of nothing

i feel like doing nothing

i just want to sleep

and run away

and never have to come back to this.

i dont feel like doing anything anymore

2011-04-30T22:54:00.001+08:00

i wanted to post something happy that's going on right now

amidst all the crappy horrible ness

2011-04-30T22:41:00.002+08:00

so i havent been blogging much.
i've been so busy this week
getting a hold of things mostly
and then the 208 term paper

i'll blog about the random things i can still recall,
those'd prolly be the more memorable ones anyways.

easter sunday was spent at aunty bevy's (:
wall came over for tea and dinner
got to see dani and teo who are cute as ever (:
dinner was awesome pot roast- lamb and pork
and cauliflower and cheese
and potato salad.
one of the best family dinners i've had in awhile, really (:

after that we had to go back to school
so we cabbed
and for once i didnt get motion sick from the ride.

it's the last week of lessons of sem2,
like shit didnt the sem just start.
it's really scary how fast time flies,
but then again i guess it's a good thing
and i want time to fly when it's yr2 sem2 thats for sure.

apart from easter nothing really much else has been going on.
been going out of ntu alot on weekdays for rallies-
first was nomination day at deyi sec
where i got horribly sunburnt.
then the WP rally at hougang which was insane.
the crowds are totally unappealing.
(wall if you're seeing this-
shopping crowds>rally crowds)

then there's exams coming up.
i'm looking forward to-
exams ending
buffet at the line

penang trip holiday

if i get any more deadlines i think i'm just going to kill myself.

apart from that,

i just cant wait for all this to be over so june will come.

may's the worst month ever right now.

2011-04-26T16:49:00.000+08:00

LIFE IS HARD

2011-04-19T02:03:00.001+08:00

i have been busy
and mostly trying to keep myself together.
all the deadlines are going to be over soon
so i really have to pull myself together
but i am this close to crying and dying

2011-04-17T01:07:00.001+08:00

convinced that i need this

2011-04-13T00:18:00.001+08:00

wedding day, this please

2011-04-13T00:15:00.001+08:00

i'm convinced i need that dress.

2011-04-13T00:06:00.001+08:00

i'm hardly complaining

dont get me wrong.

but-

i have so much to do

and i kind of like it.

the photoshopping

(yeah i bitch about it)

but i do like doing it.

it makes me feel useful,

it makes me feel like i'm contributing more than just words

and i genuinely like doing it -

it's not a chore.

but you know when it becomes a chore.

when people just tell me exactly what to do.

against my own judgement.

like do this or this or this

and i can take in feedback and suggestions

(like in gv11 everything's awesome)

at the end of the day

hello.

i think the decision wrt the design should be mostly up to me.

otherwise i'm useless,

i'm just doing what you say

in which case you might as well do it yourself.

what i'm saying is-

i'm not your photoshop robot.

2011-04-13T00:03:00.004+08:00

okay so just last week my desktop was all full and crammy,

when i chose to save to desktop,

things starting piling on top of each other -literally.

so i cleared it and all was good.

nowww it's back to insane again.

(i know noone cares but i'm going to go on)

it's so messy because i like having things accessible on my desktop.

with mb103, com205 and gv11 all requiring photoshop work

PLUS foc (which is so much pfft)

my desktop is insane.

it's not as bad as before, yet.

2011-04-12T23:19:00.003+08:00

one day, love

2011-04-11T22:56:00.002+08:00

havent blogged in a week :/

it's been a crazy day.

gv11 is making good progress (yay)

there's mb103 slides and 205 slides to do up now. which means more photoshopping.

i am sick to the bone

but it's photoshop time now (sigh)

it's time for a warm cupcake

2011-04-05T02:10:00.001+08:00

busy--->no time--->messy desktop

2011-04-05T01:02:00.000+08:00

i've been so busy i think i could die
but i kinda like it.

▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲

2011-03-28T18:59:00.003+08:00

2011-03-28T12:21:00.001+08:00

i wouldnt wear this
but i like it

2011-03-28T12:07:00.003+08:00

but
i've been getting very tired
and i miss the feeling of being so busy that i dont need to worry about anything

and it's scaring me a little

but then again i dont know if this is just a defence mechanism

2011-03-28T12:05:00.001+08:00

i want a wall like this

2011-03-28T11:36:00.002+08:00

i havent been blogging much

cos i really havent had the time to get online.

this blog is pretty much devoid of pictures and stuff,

so i'm prolly gonna post some up soonish

realised that i havent posted my b&w photos also

so i guess i should soon

feeling pretty out of it today

didnt really get enough sleep

and there's 205 speech tmr (shucks)

and there's gv11 after this.

here's a list of things that i have to get done by this week

or by today~

repaint my nails

pubs for foc (a ton of stuff)

gv11

202 wikileaks

shoot the pasar malam

dnd pubs

all this work makes me feel like escaping.

ice-cream would be good.

2011-03-26T23:29:00.002+08:00

i havent blogged for an entire week.

that's pretty much how busy i've been.

it's like assignment period

so there's loads of essays and photoshopping to do.

plus foc photoshopping

it's been a headache.

i cant rmb what happened every day

but here's a list of what made my week

(in an attempt to ignore the shitty bits of it of course)

-highest for test 1

-listening to cinema

-127 hours with wall

-awesome wall-cooked dinners

-getting my iphone replaced

-getting film

-the biennale! (today)

(will blog about the weekend later)

it's been pretty tiring.

i keep knocking out every night

for some reason

some days i really feel like hibernating

woke up for the biennale today

had a nice outdoorsy popeyes lunch

then went to sam

was thrilled at the "made for sam" stickers that they gave us as part of the museum entry

(wall had one too awwww)

viewed the exhibits round sam before taking the shuttle bus to old kallang airport.

nothing really outstanding compared to the previous years.

definitely a lot more abstract works and concepts

and i see the work being more south east asian than last year

(maybe i missed the non asian exhibits)

didnt manage to cover everything

so we'll have to head back another day.

didnt even step into 8Q

also i'm not a big fan of video installations

and there were tons of those...

after the art we had milkshakes at handburger

then we popped by penin for film (yay)

and to send the rollei 35 t for repair

(hope they can get it fixed)

i'm getting reallyreally comfortable with my fm2 now

i'm beginning to wish film was freeeeeee.

i wanna stock up on film before it goes defunct

if it ever does.

planning to shoot the pasar malam at pioneer next week

so that should be some fun

i need to speak chinese more

and i also need to meter faster and stop being so anal about lighting.

i also checked out twntysmthg recently and i think everyone should

it's pretty awesome

it's not exactly like frankie (what could be) but it's better than any other local thing i've read.

it just needs more material and readership

(so get there y'all)

and possibly print because there's nothing like a mag

my sticker collection has been pretty stale lately

and i havent been drawing (pfft)

i've been taking a break of the camera drawing,

have to get down to that.

i also need to get down to scanning all my shit for my portfolio

tedious much.

i've also been reading alot of notcot.org and wherethelovelythingsare

for some gv11 inspiration-

nothing quite concrete in terms of ideas yet

but i'll get there

looks like i've some insane photoshopping to do tmr

i wanna fast forwarddddd to like four years on,

there are some bits i wanna pause at,

but most of the way isnt gonna be easy

and i really hope we get by

2011-03-19T17:12:00.002+08:00

just got back from my godma's place,

we were getting clothes so it was all dusty and shit

and now i'm sneezing and my eyes are all watery puffy

damn annoying when it gets like this

like flu-y, but not.

plus my eyes are all tired out from crying to grey's till 2plus am ytd.

on a brighter note,

i'll get to pick wall up tmr morning at 740 at the airport

(rejoice)

i cant wait to give the boy one big hug.

and i have the perfect oversized sweater to wear so i cant wait

apart from that

the weather today is making me feel sick

and melancholic.

watercolour would be the perfect therapy,

except it's in hall now

(sigh)

also it looks like i have to give the bbq a miss

i am sleep deprived and by the time i get there,

i would have to come home.

(sigh)

this is why i wish i could teleport

2011-03-18T15:45:00.001+08:00

hey soul sister makes me think of the last night of orientation,

which makes me think of you (:

2011-03-18T14:59:00.004+08:00

the random, reflect on how i've changed post.

it's a lazy day, i ought to shower and head out to collect my bnw film,

but i'm here, facing the balcony.

with intro on repeat.

it's really sunny and nice

and it makes me feel like thinking.

so here comes the post on how i've changed.

and how you've made an impact on me,

i will try to make this as un cheesy as possible

(impact already sounds cheesy)

but whatever la

this is coming from my heart and mind

for real.

i look at you and i read your wordpress and i think of you

what you say to me, how you explain things to me
the things we do together, the things you do, the things i do

some days in some ways i see so much of me in so much of you.

there's this, overlap

(and i type as how i would say all of this to you)

and i read you over and over and over again

so that i can know you better than i do now,

and so i can catch up as much as i can on all that i've missed out with you.

(i have told you this before i know)

you know, thinking about it

those who've only just met me,

wouldnt be able to see how much i'm changing

how much i'm growing.

i think from one year ago today

i have changed so much.

i honestly always had a fear of flying.

i dont like the idea of being in a plane, up the air

off the ground, when it's so unpredictable

you never know what can happen

and i obviously dont know shit about aviation.

so if anything screws up,

some one else is going to have to decide what happens to all the passengers on the plane- me included.

and i dont like that idea.

i never liked the idea of being suspended in a space where if anything goes wrong,

i am in such a pathetic position,

that i cant do anything to help myself.

that's kinda why i've always not liked flying.

it makes me feel so uneasy.

but then you've made me see

that there is so fucking much out there.

and i'm serious.

when i went to vietnam,

that was just the start of it.

one small piece of the world.

other than singapore and malaysia and vietnam and london and LA,

there is so much out there

i never really thought about one me, and one whole world out there.

my world was always just where i've been

and i was satisfied with that.

but not anymore.

i cant wait to get out

i want to go here

and there

and see all the places you've seen

not just because you've been there.

the world is rich in so many ways

and before i even get to the world,

let's just look at south east asia.

and you know i'm really saying this

(can you hear me really saying this)

i want more than ever to go places and see things.

and i dont care about the flights i want to take.

i need to let go of that worry.

you've inspired me to do more

i've been sitting on my ass for so long

procrastinating

and just being comfortable with what i've been doing

i'm telling you now

i'm ready to do so much more.

i've been stepping out of this laziness (tsk)

i really have.

and i am trying really hard to be more of myself

not just for you.

i want others to be able to see me for who i am

and i want to feel more myself than i have before.

i'm glad i met you

it's pretty crazy how it came to all of this

at first it was just texts and food

and then this.

and it's mindblowing.

i have never been with someone so much

i have never learnt so much from someone

i have never felt like someone is so important to me

because of what they've done

i never planned it to be this way

but i'm glad i'm turning out like this.

and you know i usually freak out when things dont go as i plan -

but this time i'm not.

so this is something.

and i am happy as ever, glad as ever,

and really so happy i cant seem to express it properly

that we're us

and you do what you do i do what i do and we do what we do

and i like knowing that it'll be like this for a very very long time.

i love you every day

2011-03-17T02:52:00.002+08:00

so 24AUs are finally feeling like 24AUs.

the boyf's away

and i'm gonna see who my new roomie is tomorrow.

i really hope everything works out

i am this close to collapsing.

2011-03-16T22:47:00.001+08:00

sometimes i dont know whether it bothers me or not.

i dont want it to.

but does that mean it doesnt?

2011-03-15T15:04:00.002+08:00

2011-03-15T14:35:00.003+08:00

yay just picked up the two rolls from far east
and i'm mad happy with how they turned out.
i'm pretty comfy with the fm2,
took me 4 rolls,
so i'm pretty pleased.
i cant wait to see how the black and white will turn out
(on thurs)
meanwhile, i leave you with two full rolls of unedited shots
(in a bit)

2011-03-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

i am so happy to have you.

2011-03-14T21:47:00.002+08:00

so i spent the past two days and the earlier part of today at a kelong in the east of west malaysia- tanjong leman.

it was definitely damn chill,

super windy all the time and sunny too.

i spent most of the time sleeping cos the weather was too shiok

and every day i was, for some reason, tired.

sleeping seems to be my default action now

which is horribly pig-ish, but sadly so.

managed to shoot three rolls of film

and i am amazingly more comfortable with the fm2 now.

which is going to be a headachus when i have to switch to my canon dslr

but sigh, have to be good with both i guess, pfft.

will post the photos from the kelong experience when i collect them tmr.

feels awesome to be on solid ground
i was secretly scared that some tsunami will come sweep me away

though geographically that was impossible

(you never know)

wall left for sri lanka ytd

(couldnt send him off, awh)

and time always seems to stand still when he's gone.

(dont worry i'm not heading into pathetic mode heh)

but it really does feel strange without him around.

my period is also coming so i feel horribly weirdly slightly depressed at the crazy amount of work i have this recess week.

it's no joke what i have to do

and i really want to have you to hold

but obviously that's not happening.

lol.

i feel like running away to hall

but then there's the whole thought of having a new roommate

who might not be awesome

which makes everything

----> >:(

so yeah

i dont wanna get started thinking on that

fuck i need you esp when i'm stressed heh

apart from all this craziness that is 24AUs,

life goes on

and i need to grab a hold of it

i feel like it's been just dragging me along the past few days.

sometimes i really just feel like giving up what i'm doing now

to do whatever i want

but at the end of the day i cant because what i'm doing now is getting me to where i want to be

it feels awful now that i'm thinking about it

but i'm really quite sure that this is just the pms talking

i will post more positively tmr.

2011-03-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

2011-03-09T01:32:00.000+08:00

my favourite two shots

2011-03-09T01:22:00.003+08:00

yay second roll of film turned out good too,

i am relieved.

2011-03-05T22:48:00.001+08:00

i think today's kinda one of those hate myself days

2011-03-05T22:09:00.001+08:00

do what people say you can't do.

2011-03-05T22:00:00.003+08:00

i love how i can look like a complete idiot in front of you,

and do the most random things

or have the weirdest thoughts

and yet you love me all the same

if not more.

2011-03-05T16:06:00.003+08:00

i havent had the time to have a proper chill,
time-to-myself day
where i can just look for music and do whatever random stuff i want-
get my hair cut,
take photos,
sleep,
watch csi,
paint or draw,
tidy my mac desktop.
there's a load of things i wanna do man.

so after karang guni this morning,
i'm glad to say i finally can do all that.

i'm not even sure who reads this space anymore...
but yeah, its for me to keep track off i guess?

had an awesome day yesterday slacking (heh)
woke up to an awesome wallace-cooked lunch
then cabbed to his place to pick up some stuff
before cabbing (yet again) to vivo for speedshopping
and a proper date (the whole concept of this is really quite funny i think)
at white dog cafe.
then met the clique at marche for a bit before we walked around and did random stuff.
bumped into wall again
(more like he gave me a shock)
and so we took photos.
teow hasnt uploaded the bulk of it,
but when she does then i'll post some photos.

meanwhile,
i'm three shots away from completing another roll of film-
after shooting tons at the karang guni stint today
aaand then imma go down to get my hair cut.
(finally)
i should actually say trim,
cos i just wanna get rid of split ends, heh.

other random stuff-

i had gongcha just now

and i think i drank it too fast, heh.

also i wanna look for more random stuff to post here.

check back

2011-03-02T23:46:00.004+08:00

with that said~

i also got my first roll of film taken with my fm2 developed.

pretty pleased with some of the shots

so yay -leaps with joy-

2011-03-02T00:47:00.002+08:00

it's another week again,

and recess week is in a week!

mid term's are coming (insanely fast)

and all the assignments are piling, piling in.

suddenly i feel like mb103 was a bad idea this sem, sigh.

but oh well?

221 and gv11 are the best right now.

2011-02-27T01:46:00.001+08:00

2011-02-27T01:39:00.001+08:00

2011-02-25T23:15:00.004+08:00

sometimes i have this very uncertain feeling
because i just want to do my own thing

in any case today was a total bum in hall day.
i am slightly disappointed with myself for spending it like this
not using it to get any work at all done.
very disappointed actually.

on a very it's-just-on-my-mind note,

i hate to use the phrase sick and tired.
because when i tell someone i'm sick and tired,
i really actually mean i'm fed up and close to giving up,
instead of just sick, and literally tired.
so yeah.

i dont know why but it's just a culmination of things i guess

i feel very shitty and i want sunday to come and stay

and i dont want school on tuesdays.

i hate tuesdays.

2011-02-25T17:07:00.001+08:00

hello desktop

2011-02-25T17:06:00.001+08:00

today's one of those rainy
stay in
hope to get something productive done
end up bumming the day away
do a bit of drawing
catch up on sleep
days.

2011-02-25T16:37:00.001+08:00

i need to be somewhere that sells this kind of shit

2011-02-25T04:17:00.001+08:00

sometimes,
a lot of times,
i treat dilemmas too much like life or death situations.
i ought to relax,
follow my heart
and not procrastinate.

2011-02-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

this is one damnnnnn hot tattoo.

2011-02-24T22:22:00.002+08:00

if i can ever shoot a fox in the wild on film
i will be overjoyed.

2011-02-24T21:17:00.000+08:00

i'm somewhat convinced that i need this.

2011-02-23T15:58:00.004+08:00

today was awful in the form of

a blank first roll of film,

an ez link card error,

the lack of coins resulting in me having to pay $2 to get from jp to cs,

no food till dinner.

i am very hungry but the dreadful rain is keeping me in school.

also wall is doing up his presentation so i'm waiting.waiting.waiting.

2011-02-23T02:12:00.001+08:00

i dont know why sometimes to try so hard to find happiness in new places.

today i realised if i'm happy, i'm happy, i dont have to worry

2011-02-20T23:54:00.002+08:00

this is going to be a rant

and i am telling you now that if you dont want to read my complains then you should just skip this post.

when i'm angry or annoyed or frustrated it makes me type damn fast so that i can keep up with my thoughts and not lose anything.

so whenever i am stressed about something

that i have no choice but to make work

and it already feels somewhat shitty because there's no time

and if there was more time it could be more awesome and all that

it really gets on my nerves when i see people complaining about any trivial money related i cant buy what i want issue.

i know to someone else worrying about something bigger

and having some bigger dilemma than i am,

and to someone else who has more important things to worry about instead of worrying about not having enough time,

my own problems are nothing to them and even possibly annoying to them.

but yeah!

this is how it is,

it annoys me so much.

and this post is just for me to wind down on that issue.

it didnt really help

but i'm going to use this stress to drive me to do my homework.

this week.

there's -

gl photoshoot

sa recruitment

mb 103 presentation

prep for gv11 ca1

202 group essay

i'm going to remain absolutely positive about getting through this week

(sounds hard at the moment but yeah)

to reward myself this week,

i will also

get my first roll of film from my fm2 developed (at jp perhaps)

and go for the icecream buffet if i can squeeze the time.

i have also been having recurring thoughts of how things would be like if i was single and i had my own shit to handle and to not have to share it with anyone.

it is a scary thought

because we all roughly know how these thoughts have become reality in every past experience

but i know i'll get by this time around,

this is one thing i am certain of

and it's kinda an empowering feeling,

knowing that you have control over some things when everything else seems so fluxive.

i guess this is my solace for tonight.

aaand now i'm onto writing leads for 221

and then imma reward myself with wherethelovelythingsare

and possibly some art.

i need to de-stress.

(ps. i came across the most awesome long brown flowy thin pleated sway-in-the-wind skirt today and if i owned it i would be happy for at least 30 days)

2011-02-17T23:24:00.001+08:00

sometimes when you're already feeling shitty

you play the songs that used to make you feel shitty.

so the memories associated with those songs would be what makes you feel shitty

instead of what really makes you feel like crap at the moment.

makes sense?

2011-02-16T21:54:00.001+08:00

2011-02-16T18:45:00.001+08:00

right now i feel that my life will be complete if i had this ring.

2011-02-16T17:06:00.002+08:00

a dose of awesome from wherethelovelythingsare.com

makes me realise that i really need to draw paint shoot more.

2011-02-16T14:47:00.002+08:00

i dont know how i'm gonna get there
and i dont know for sure what i'm gonna end up doing in the future,
but i wanna live in a very nice house and it will be home
and we will live there when we arent travelling.
i will go home to it and to you
and feel more at home than ever.

i always thought that if you want something badly enough,
you will do whatever it takes to get it
even if it's eventual,
you'll make sure you get it.
this is one of those things that i really want.

2011-02-15T20:51:00.000+08:00

okay i think i'll take a nap first hehe

zzz

2011-02-15T20:36:00.002+08:00

i recently discovered designworklife.com and wherethelovelythingsare.com

it's been pretty amazing,

so i've been spending hours on that website.

there's ton of awesome art on those sites.

and it's really been inspiring me to draw and paint more.

i also kinda wanna start on some photo projects with drawings and stuff

but i cant seem to be able to focus

(and i keep telling myself, slowly, no hurry)

apart from those two awesome sites,

school's been quite a load with all the fundraising and meetings.

my favourite classes have got to be com221 and gv11.

everything else seems pretty blah and everything else isnt by my choice apart from mb103

which is just alright i guess.

today was mostly selling more balloons,

and then mb103 later in the early evening.

i feel kinda loveydovey

(must be overspill from all the pink white lilac red balloons)

so imma do a mood post with just pictures, yay.

coming up

2011-02-14T19:13:00.002+08:00

list of good or okay things that happened today

woke up in time for 221

221 was alright

got to use a helium tank

got to blow nice heartshaped helium balloons

gv11 was good

managed to sell a ton of balloons at a good price

had my pink hedgehog in class with me

had the awesome boy in class with me

list of not so good things that happened today

i didnt have time for lunch or tea and now i am very hungry

i burst a few balloons, they popped in my hands

my fingers hurt from tying balloons

my fingers smell of balloons

my nails smell of balloons

the sandals that i wear to school every day broke

i am having cramps

i have to prepare a speech for 205 tmr

and i cannot miss 205 tmr

i have to sell more balloons tmr

the time that i dont have to sell more balloons i have to go for class

somehow i'm pretty objective that it's valentines day,

it's just another day i guess?

and do we really need just one special day

when every day is awesome?

2011-02-14T13:54:00.001+08:00

happy valentines day

in cursive sans serif italics

2011-02-13T01:46:00.001+08:00

fuck you

i know what i'm doing

2011-02-12T23:17:00.002+08:00

one fine day i will be able to use up all my saved up surprise ideas

because i will be able to do whatever i want whenever i want.

i will make my own choices, determine my own commitments and create my own expections.

and everything will be good.

i will be with you unconditionally

and you wont have to drive me home

because home will be with you.

2011-02-10T01:04:00.000+08:00

who doesnt love nail polish?

OPI & China Glaze Spree

If you havent heard ~

It's an initiative by WKWSCIFOC to raise funds for our FOC.

Each OPI will be sold at$11.50 and China Glaze will be sold at $9.50.
Click on the url below for more details and order form!
Do take note of the payment methods and details too.

thank you! ♥

deadline is 18th feb, so order now (:

http://tinyurl.com/4qzjw9s

2011-02-10T00:16:00.002+08:00

tra la la

i cant wait for my opi ds extravagance to arrive !!!!!

i honestly cant remember the last time i was stoked about something girly swirly

2011-02-09T21:44:00.000+08:00

hair length like this, soon

2011-02-09T17:21:00.002+08:00

whoah so i havent blogged in an entire week.

i guess it's cos i havent been online or even on my laptop for the whole of cny,

up till sunday.

and then i was busy with foc stuff.

mon was 221 and gv11, gotta be one of my fav days of the week.

ytd was crazy-

two lectures and two tutorials.

today's been okay,

just 221 tutorial, which is pretty crazy on it's own,

but i kinda like it the way it is.

tmr's like the last day of the school week already so i'm all yay inside.

i've been drawing and painting more frequently now.

among other thoughts

i cant wait to finish this roll of film so i can get it developed and see how it turns out.

i also am secretly looking forward to valentines day,

maybe cos for once in two years i'll have someone to share it with,

not that valentines day really means much anyways.

i also feel like i'm getting fat though i really didnt eat that much this cny,

i barely had an bakkwa and barely any pineapple tarts.

(come to think of it, it might've been the crystal jade on sunday :/)

so i have no idea what's going on with my body and it's kinda annoying cos i started out cny better

oh well.

i also havent had any yusheng yet so i'm kinda bummed about that.

other than these details

things are pretty much the same.

life's at this stable

almost boring phase now.

it's like i'm just in transition sometimes.

but i guess everyone goes through phases like this.

we all have to travel to get somewhere.

2011-02-02T04:13:00.002+08:00

it is pretty amazing to see how people you havent talked to in ages

can have lived their lives perfectly normally

and it's pretty (i dont know what the word for it is) when you start talking to them again

and everything just falls into place.

2011-02-02T01:30:00.001+08:00

2011-02-02T01:11:00.002+08:00

sooooooo i didnt blog for a whole weekend.

been pretty much busyyy

spent the weekend frying keropok for dnd

and going shopping with mummy

plus hanging with the usuals for adam's birthday.

it's been okay.

nothing much going on that's really worth blogging about

(or that i can really remember in detail even, hurr)

i havent had the time to update much cos i've been sleepingggg alot.

thanks to this dreadful awful cough that i've been having for really quite some time now.

and yeah, looks like it's here to stay for cny.

not cool.

>:(

among other things,

i popped by town with wall today to get the nikon fm2

and i can now proudly say that it is

mine.

got it for a pretty good price without bargaining so i am kinda pretty pleased.

now i cant wait to get my first roll of film

36 sounds like a lot of shots suddenly,

but yay i super cant wait.

imma bring it around for the whole of cny (:

that's pretty much the highlight of my week so far.

90210's been good

i'm just happy that annie and liam are (finally) together (yay)

okaaaay (:

imma do some drawing and painting

and maybe update our book.

and then imma post some photos too.

watchthisspace

2011-01-31T15:48:00.001+08:00